Ups and Downs and Silver Linings

Thursday night I spent at gabby and Guillermo's.  A 2 hour bus ride with Magnolia got us to Gabby's house at 1:45 ish. Shortly after gabby and I went to her practice. A three hour practice where the building had a cafeteria and I was able to speak to my dad, my best friend Mikel, and I was able to connect via Facebook with a special someone and friends from work. It was nice to be connected to the world for a longer period of time than I have been allotted since my arrival. 

When she finished we tried to go to Andres with her dad, it is a 5 floor steak house with dancing. I said tried because you have to be 18 and Gabby is 17, we didn't make it through the door. We went instead to a cafeteria like version of Andres and I got steak that was very good.  We went back to Gabby's and just hung out and watched big brother on her computer. 

Friday we went shopping and I got a few things for some special people in my life. The only thing left to buy is coffee!  We got some crepes and waffles for lunch!  Delish!

I was going to take a taxi back to Magnolias but the driver refused to take me.  So I waited for Gabby's swim practice again, this time with no Facebook. Thankfully I have that good book.  I did get emotional after the practice. I felt bad like I am always putting people out while in Colombia, the day before with the long bus ride and that evening with Guillermo driving me all the way to back to Magnolias.  There was a lot of emphasis on money in a conversation the day before, and some questions about the gifts I presented the day before. It made both me and Gabby very uncomfortable.  Thinking a lot about those things, and feeling like I was a burden made me pretty sad in the car.

Once at Magnolias she said I stayed out late without her permission as a joke, but it didn't set well with me.  She isn't my mom, and it seems she seeks certain emotional approvals while I am there and doesn't consider my feelings as much.  I can't get into too many details out of respect of privacy, but I felt like some boundaries as far as physical and emotional expectations that were placed on me crossed my comfort zone.  I don't want this to sound inconsiderate of my birth mother, I understand the emotional needs and wants of my birth mother since she had to give me up, I get that she needs some emotional validation.  My issue is that I didn't feel like there was consideration of how this pressure might make me feel.

This morning I bought 2 bottles of water, finally feeling hydrated. And Julieth came and rubbed my back. She is such a great sister.  I found out today that she loves painting ceramics, something else we have in common.

Growing up I fantasized most about meeting my birth mother, turns out I have gained the most unconditional love and pure joy from my relationship with my sister.