Letter for Magnolia 2

Here is the letter I wrote for Magnolia for this weekend.

Dear Magnolia,

There is so much to say to you but also not a lot of time.  I want you to know who I am as a person, and it has been difficult to express that with you because I have trouble communicating in spanish.  

I am a very outgoing and independent person.  I love to laugh, and make jokes.  I am a people person, I am very social and I like to meet new people often.  I am creative, I like to make scrapbooks, and clothes, and other projects.  Do you like to do things like that?  How would you describe yourself?

I am a sensitive person, and I am in touch with my emotions.  I am very open about everything.  I care about other peoples feelings a lot.  I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. 

I love kids, I have been working with kids for many years.  I have nannied, been a camp counselor, and youth leader.  

I am going to try and become an event planner when I go back to boston, because I want to use my creative side more in work.

I look forward to getting to know more about you as we continue to build our relationship.

What is your favorite color?

Food?

Tell me about yourself in a letter too, and I can get it translated.  Do you have questions for me?

I also want to tell you that I am proud of you as a mother to have made the decisions you made in your life on my behalf.  I know it was a difficult choice for you to make, but you should hold your head up high about it.  You gave me the gift of life twice, I have a great life back home.  Meeting and getting to know you is such a blessing on top of the other blessings I have had in my life.  Thank you again for your choice, and thank you for welcoming me into your life now and wanting to build a relationship.  It means the world to me.  

Love,

Sara

Letter for Juliet

I decided to write letters for my sister and birthmother to get translated before I spend the weekend.  I want them to know more about me as a person and individual.  I cant really express myself right now because of my difficulty with the language.  I am not quite sure if I will be able to get these letters translated by tomorrow, but here is the one for Juliet and I will add another post of Magnolia's.  It is an emotional process to write these letters and to think of question I want answered and what I think they might want to know about me.  Hopefully these letters will make us feel closer.  I left the tough questions out of my letters for now, as I want to build more of a comfort zone before asking them.  Mostly questions regarding my birthfather, and also if Magnolia will tell everyone about me eventually.

Here it is:

To my beautiful sister,

  I always thought I had an older sister, and wondered what she would be like.  I was shocked to find out that the sister I had imagined was a brother.  I am sad that I didn’t get the chance to meet him, but I feel close to him by being around you and Magnolia.  Having a younger sibling was a big surprise, and I am so glad to have the sister I dreamed of.  

You impress me so much, because before Saturday you never knew of my existence.  You could have reacted in many ways, but the way you chose was with love and acceptance.  You have confirmed for me that they way I love is a family trait we have.  You inspire me to handle situations that surprise us, with an open mind, heart, and with love.  

Even though it is hard for us to communicate, I get a sense of your character.  You are a beautiful, loving, open, and caring person.  I hope that you sense the same about me.  I love watching you mother your beautiful son, and be nurturing to other babies and animals.  You really are my sister, and I really do love you.

I wanted to write you this letter to be able to express myself to you, to give you an idea of how I feel about you and also who I am as a person.  You can write me a letter this weekend, and I can have it translated and we can continue until my spanish gets better.

Here is a little more about myself.  My favorite color is a minty blue green, the scarf in one of my profile pictures on facebook is that color.  I also like coral, the other scarf in some pictures is that color.  I like to go to the movies, go shopping, listening to music, I love trying new foods, and meeting new people.  I am very outgoing, when I know the language.  I am a very creative person, I like to paint my nails, and I make clothes.  I like to keep pictures of family and friends, all around me in my room at home.  When I love someone, I give them my whole heart, and sometimes they don’t deserve it.  I am a strong believer that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.  For that reason I live with an open heart.  I think you are like that too, am I right?

You were wondering what my tattoos mean.  Well here is a description of all of them, in order that I got them:

1. Shortly after my 18th birthday, I got my first tattoo.  It was a design I created.  It is a heart with the date of the day I got adopted.  The heart goes into a star of david, from the jewish religion.  The sides of the star have the Colombian flag and the American flag, to represent my journey from Colombia to the States.  The star also attached to 2 lilies, because lily was my first dog and she was the sweetest dog.  And under the star I have my name Sara, because I thought that my birth mother named me that and she wanted me to live like the meaning of Sara, like a princess.  That tattoo is located on my lower back.  
2. The text on my upper back.  It says COEXIST and is written in all the religious symbols, and it has a peace sign, woman, and man symbols.  It means that people from all walks of life, and all backgrounds should live together without judgement and in peace.
3. I have a tulip tattoo, which is one of my favorite flowers on my thigh.  It has a ladybug on the leaf, and that is for my grandmother.  The mother of my dad, when she was dying she had Alzheimer's disease and forgot a lot of things.  Eventually she forgot who I was, it was too painful for me to keep visiting her.  When she died we got the stuff she kept with her.  I had given her a lady bug stuffed animal and she kept it with her up until she died.  It meant a lot to me that she kept it. 
4. The largest tattoo is the one on my shoulder, it is a Lotus flower surrounded my japanese cherry blossoms.  When I went to asia, there were lotus flowers at all of the temples, and in a lot of art.  They are a beautiful flower, and so I researched the meaning.  Lotus flowers grow out of mud, which is suppossed to be an enviornment that not much is capable of growth.  Yet the lotus still blooms, and is beautiful despite where it is from.  I like that for every difficult situation to make it into something beautiful, to see a challenge and to rise above it, gracefully.  The japanese cherry blossoms, are also revered in asia.  They bloom very quickly, all together and then fall quickly.  In some countries they are viewed as a symbol of beauty and youth and how it fades, and in other countries it represents how short life is.  I like both meanings, and it helps keep into perspective that life is short, and what is really important in life.
5. I have a peacock feather on my wrist.  Peacocks are know as proud birds, and I need to be more confident sometimes.  Also peacocks eat poisonous plants and survive, it reminds me that no matter how tough things are, I can too survive.
6. I have my hebrew name tattooed on the right side of my back.  Kayla Shimona, it has influences from my family members.
7. I have Thumper from the disney movie Bambi, and his girlfriend on my ribs.  They are for my puppies, who remind me of silly bunnies sometimes.  I love them so much.
8. Lastly I have my parents birthdays on my ribs in roman numerals.  I have been planning to add to it my aunts birthday.  

If you have questions for me, or if you want to tell me about yourself please write me sometime this weekend and I will get it translated.

What is your favorite color?

Movie?

Food?

Game?

Thing to do for fun?

That is all I have for now. 

Love your sister,

Sara

Painting and Anxiety

Another day painting at Hogar.  We are almost done with the shed, and it does add some life and vibrancy to the area.  There seems to be a complex here with the children, they all think the kids are too dark.  The kids that are commenting on the skin tone, do not seem to acknowledge their own skin tone being tan or dark.  I guess lighter skin is preferred here as in many other cultures.  I am someone who likes my coffee skin tone, and I actually bake in the sun every time the sun comes out back home (I know its not good) .  I feel more alive when my skin is darker, clothes look better, I need less make up, and I have a glow.    

If you notice the same clothes from the last few days, it is because the paint will permanently stain clothes and these are the only clothes that I don't care if it stains.  The kids come out for recess at 1ish, and from that point forward the productivity level goes drastically down.  The kids wanted to help paint, but couldn't and then were touching the wet paint.  Finally as pictured above I let them listen to my music for a while, until they started fighting over it.  Then we just played for a little while.  It still touches my heart the amount of kids that I have never met that just want me to hug them for a while.  Playing with the kids was great, I got tackled by 3 or more boys at one point. 

Tonight I went with Alyson another volunteer to meet a friend of my coworker Garrette's.  He was having a going away party close to our apartment, and was nice enough to extend an invitation.  It was at a mexican restaurant, pretty chic.  Alyson and I walked there, but I didn't feel very safe.  We live in a safe neighborhood, but my anxiety is high right now.  Once there we had a great time.

Tomorrow I am spending the night with Magnolia, Juliet, and her husband.  I am feeling anxious about it, mostly because they still have not told her husband who I am.  I need to know what my "story" is supposed to be, and I do not want to slip up and spill the beans.  Guillermo spoke to my bm about all of this and she said she is worried about telling him.  She also seemed very emotional about the possibility of loosing me again, worried that this will be the last time she ever gets to see me.  I want to just enjoy the time I am here with them.  I don't know when I will be back in Colombia, but it is definitely somewhere I would like to come back to with my parents.  I just want to take all of this one step at a time.  I probably wont post anything tomorrow, but I will write about the weekend on Sunday.  

I am starting tomorrow with my closest friend here Erika, we are going to the market.  Then Guillermo and I are going to head to the gold museum, and after I will go to Magnolia's.  Should be an eventful weekend.

Lots of Pics and Thoughts on Current Adoption Situation

We went back to Hogar today to continue painting the shack there.  The scenery surrounding the facility is really something.  Here are photos of the grounds and us painting.  There is some construction going on too.

This boy named Brian, just came up to me and hugged me.  He spent some time on my lap, just soaking up the love.

If this isnt great scenery I dont know what it! This is the playground area.

My nutella and peanut butter sandwich
 that I added Marshmellows to.
yummmmmm

Silly

More serious.  I did the yellow and orange shirt on the dude in the background.  Also all the eyes and smiles.  I wanted to be responsible for all the smiles! :)

Birth Mother Update

I woke up at 4 am this morning, and haven't been sleeping great since before Colombia, for obvious reasons.  There have been so many blessings on this trip, but there are also hurdles.  I am still a secret to everyone around my birthmother except my sister.  This is giving me some anxiety, because I am spending every weekend there, but I don't want to reveal who I am, and put her in a bad situation.  On the other hand, I do not want to be a secret, I am proud of her for the choice she made, and I wish she could be too.  

Aside from that, the language barrier has left me in quite a pickle about how to accurately express who I am.  Writing the letters to my bm and sister is emotionally draining.  There is so much to say, and so many questions to ask.  I have to determine which to ask now and which to save for later.  I will most likely save any serious questions for Magnolia, for another time after we see more of each other.  

Time will tell...

Yom Kippur in Colombia

The most important lesson I have learned regarding religion, was on my trip to Israel with Birthright.  Lior, our guide told us a story about a man who went to temple for the first time on Yom Kippur.  The Rabbi was awaiting the sign from God that everyones sins had been forgiven and the new year could officially begin.  While the people were waiting for the Rabbi to come out and tell them that their sins were forgiven and their new year could begin, they prayed.  The man who had come to the temple for the first time, could not read the prayers, and he did not know the words to say.  Hours passed and the Rabbi still had not come out from his room.  The man in the congregation had a feeling inside his heart and the only way he could express it was to let out a really loud whistle.  Everyone glared at him annoyed with his disruption.  The Rabbi came out and told everyone that they had repented enough and the new year could begin.

I dont know if I told the story the right way, but the point is everyone has their own relationship with their religion and their God if they choose to.  There is no right or wrong way to do things, it is what you want to do and how you feel in your heart.

I am more religious than some people in my family, I believe in God whole heartedly because of the life that I have.  I am supposed to be with the parents I have, and I feel so blessed everyday for that.  It feels too much, meant to be for there not to be a higher power at work.  I also believe in Karma, treat people the way you want to be treated, and do good things for other people when you can.

For the last few years, my family and I have found a body of water and gone there on Yom Kippur.  We put flowers in it, and remember those people that we lost.  I have done this by myself when I lived in florida, and expected to do the same here in Colombia.  To my surprise, 4 other volunteers and the program coordinator wanted to participate.  We started fasting last night, and the other volunteers and I took the day off and rested.  Erica, Alyson, Monika, and I went to a stream close by and bought flowers.  We said peoples names that we lost, and then we said some people who need our thoughts for health and recovery or other things.  It was very calming, serene, and peaceful.  For the first time in a while, I did not get a headache while fasting.

Later we all, minus Monkia went to Papa Johns and indulged in some very non kosher pepperoni pizza.  It was perfect.  I am so happy to have made such great friends here, and to share this with them.  I really needed the day to rest, after all that has happened, and the anxiety leading up to it.  

Emerald Museum, Secret Friends, and Yom Kippur

Today has been a special day all around, first I was able to sleep in....that didn't happen but I liked having the option.  I got up at 6:45 to help make lunches for the field trip for the blind children.  Then I was able to do my nails, and for anyone who knows me knows this is something I love doing!  After being here for a little bit, I can tell you that Colombian women like to have their nails done.  Who knew? Not to mention that my sister also had her nails painted pretty with an accent nail on each hand when I met her! I was also able to video chat with my dad, and talk to my mom which isn't going to happen here in the mornings much.

Then it was off to the Emerald Museum.  When we arrived the kids weren't there yet, so we took some pictures of the scenery and watched an intro video.

When the kids arrived we took a photo opportunity.

Then we led the kids around to feel the emeralds and other kinds of stones.  Photo opportunity on the way to lunch.

We enjoyed coffee, while the kids ate lunch(with our assistance of course).

When the kids were pretty much finished eating, they prayed, and gave thanks for being able to go to the museum, for the lunch, and the people helping them.  Then they started singing.  It was beautiful, they were all smiling and joining in, taking turns with who was leading.  The joy that these kids have, despite their challenges in life is truly humbling.  I was able to upload one video on this blog but it took a few hours to load so the rest will hopefully load on my facebook.  Here are pictures of the kids singing and a short video of it too.

Click Play to watch this video of one of the kids singing, so cute!!

After enjoying the music we snapped some more photos with each other

We wrapped it up at around 12:30-1, and headed back to the apartment area for lunch.

Waiting outside for a cab

This evening was the last day for a secret santa type game that we were playing for the Colombian Valentines day for friends and loves.  We commenced it by having dinner at a place near by called Crepes and Waffles.....you guessed it, they serve crepes and waffles.  Its really delicious, and everyone agreed to have the dinner at 5 on account that I am fasting for Yom Kippur starting at sun down.  Not only did everyone agree to eat early, but quite a few other volunteers and the program leader are fasting with me tomorrow.  I am moved by people's interest in trying something that they haven't done before, and at their acceptance of my practices.  It speaks to all of their characters, and it will be nice to share the day with them, and have people to break fast with!!

I was Claudia's secret friend! Surprise!! (except she was on to me for the last few days)

Lupe was my secret friend, and I was shocked.  He gave me great gifts throughout the week, ending tonight with 2 dozen coral roses!

To new friends and new experiences!