As I sit here on my final flight to Boston, many thoughts swarm my head but mostly the constant reminder that I was given one life and opportunity that I wouldn't have otherwise had. Sometimes in life we need to be selfish and sometimes we need to let courage surpass fear of disappointing others. We need to embrace the good within ourselves, and we need to value what we ourselves bring to the table...because if we don't on our own, nobody else will. Sometimes you have to change directions a few times in order to find the right path, the course that just feels right. Some people will change directions more in the beginning, I am one of those people. A dreamer, now becoming a believer that those dreams can become more of a reality than I had ever thought. I have learned a lot about myself over the last 5 years, and a lot more in the last 1. I have a renewed sense that everything happens for a reason, and not to waste one more moment of life on something that doesn't resonate within my soul. I do not know what the future holds, but I can not live in fear of failure disappointing others. I am so happy to be going to my true home, with the people that I feel most connected to in the world...my parents.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Reflections
This trip was more of a cultural shock for me. Last time I stayed with the family, it was every weekend for a few days. Constantly meeting at malls, and going to do different things.
This trip I was truly living there for a longer period of time. Some things that were difficult for me to adjust to were the following:
They are always late! If I said we have to be somewhere at a certain time because I made plans, we were always 45-1&1/2 late. No apologies, and no worries.
They stay up super late.
Ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast...why though?
Not a lot of personal space.
The lack of drinking water, I found that I was constantly dehydrated.
The music is played so loud, and coming from me that means REALLY loud.
Things I will miss:
Family time dancing in the living room just because
Fresh juice every morning
Teaching English to my niece
This trip I was truly living there for a longer period of time. Some things that were difficult for me to adjust to were the following:
They are always late! If I said we have to be somewhere at a certain time because I made plans, we were always 45-1&1/2 late. No apologies, and no worries.
They stay up super late.
Ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast...why though?
Not a lot of personal space.
The lack of drinking water, I found that I was constantly dehydrated.
The music is played so loud, and coming from me that means REALLY loud.
Things I will miss:
Family time dancing in the living room just because
Fresh juice every morning
Teaching English to my niece
Monday, August 5, 2013
Last Leg
Julieth and Miguel went to work at 6am, and I woke up to Lola the family dog curled up near me in the bed. It was unexpected but a welcome surprise. I finished packing and Magnolia made me breakfast (ham and cheese sandwich) not my forte but I was not going to be rude. I read and then watched a show with my nephew. Magnolia fed me some beans, rice, and meat before my cab arrived. I said my goodbyes and went to Gabby's.
Here are some photos I snapped before my departure:
Once at Gabby's I felt relieved, there is no pressure there. I can be myself and be understood. We can just hang out and have a great time. We went to the mall and had some food and bought a ton of coffee for me to bring home. We spent the rest of the day dying our hair, watching movies, tv shows, and painting our nails. It was perfect. Just easy and fun. We went to bed at 1am and set the alarm for 4:50am to get to the airport early enough.
Here are some photos I snapped before my departure:
Once at Gabby's I felt relieved, there is no pressure there. I can be myself and be understood. We can just hang out and have a great time. We went to the mall and had some food and bought a ton of coffee for me to bring home. We spent the rest of the day dying our hair, watching movies, tv shows, and painting our nails. It was perfect. Just easy and fun. We went to bed at 1am and set the alarm for 4:50am to get to the airport early enough.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
A Trip with Some Waves
Last night Julieth invited some of her friends to sleep over before we all ventured to a water park 2 hours outside of Bogota on Sunday. Julieth and her husband went to his brothers house to drop off Marlon there for the night. The apartment is quant, and I never slept by myself. At around 10pm, I mentioned that I wanted to go to bed and for some reason Magnolia brought all of Julieth's friends into Julieth's room, and while I was trying to wind down and go to sleep for over an hour talked loudly and watched tv with all of them. I eventually went to sleep only to be woken up several times.
I must have gotten 3 hours of sleep, as we had to get up at 5 am to go to the water park. I felt sick when I got up, sore throat and slight headache. I had hot chocolate and some cereal.
In the morning I told Magnolia and Julieth my plans to leave the next day to go hang out with Gabby. They knew prior that this was the plan but they thought I would leave at night. I explained I was to leave at noon, and Magnolia started crying. I got frustrated because I have spent a majority of the time I had with them, and I felt like she was guilting me to stay longer. She was not being understanding that I wanted to have more time with Gabby and Guillermo. I just felt like nothing I could do or say would make her happy. I just want her to be happy that I came to visit for a second time within the last year. It just made me feel really guilty and awkward.
We got on the bus at 7am. We arrived to the water park and waited in lines for admission for an hour or so. By 10 we were in, my head was pounding and I needed water and something to eat. I got a small water and a small empanada. We jumped right into swimming and going on slides. My head really started to hurt more, so much so that when we were in line for tubes I couldn't stand anymore. I thought I might pass out. I tried to communicate as best as possible, but I couldn't explain that I thought it was altitude sickness.
I sat down on a bench with Julieth. It took them awhile to get the tubes for the next ride. Once they did, Magnolia dragged me up the hill in an almost run, without asking how I was feeling. The lack of empathy really bothered me. Luckily after that ride we finally got lunch, it was 2pm. I was instructed to eat fast so we could go on more rides immediately. I was so grateful for the lines so I could digest a little. The bus driver said he wanted everyone back at 5:30pm, we were still going on rides at 5:15pm. I was nervous the bus would leave us but no one else was concerned. The park itself was pretty cool, it was a zoo and a large waterpark. The rides were a lot of fun, and if it was less rushed I might have enjoyed it more. Generally it was good once we had lunch.
We got to the bus at 6:15pm, and back to Bogota at 9:30pm.
We went to bed. Julieth told me how much she will miss me, and think about me everyday. I told her I felt the same, and I truly do.
I must have gotten 3 hours of sleep, as we had to get up at 5 am to go to the water park. I felt sick when I got up, sore throat and slight headache. I had hot chocolate and some cereal.
In the morning I told Magnolia and Julieth my plans to leave the next day to go hang out with Gabby. They knew prior that this was the plan but they thought I would leave at night. I explained I was to leave at noon, and Magnolia started crying. I got frustrated because I have spent a majority of the time I had with them, and I felt like she was guilting me to stay longer. She was not being understanding that I wanted to have more time with Gabby and Guillermo. I just felt like nothing I could do or say would make her happy. I just want her to be happy that I came to visit for a second time within the last year. It just made me feel really guilty and awkward.
We got on the bus at 7am. We arrived to the water park and waited in lines for admission for an hour or so. By 10 we were in, my head was pounding and I needed water and something to eat. I got a small water and a small empanada. We jumped right into swimming and going on slides. My head really started to hurt more, so much so that when we were in line for tubes I couldn't stand anymore. I thought I might pass out. I tried to communicate as best as possible, but I couldn't explain that I thought it was altitude sickness.
I sat down on a bench with Julieth. It took them awhile to get the tubes for the next ride. Once they did, Magnolia dragged me up the hill in an almost run, without asking how I was feeling. The lack of empathy really bothered me. Luckily after that ride we finally got lunch, it was 2pm. I was instructed to eat fast so we could go on more rides immediately. I was so grateful for the lines so I could digest a little. The bus driver said he wanted everyone back at 5:30pm, we were still going on rides at 5:15pm. I was nervous the bus would leave us but no one else was concerned. The park itself was pretty cool, it was a zoo and a large waterpark. The rides were a lot of fun, and if it was less rushed I might have enjoyed it more. Generally it was good once we had lunch.
We got to the bus at 6:15pm, and back to Bogota at 9:30pm.
We went to bed. Julieth told me how much she will miss me, and think about me everyday. I told her I felt the same, and I truly do.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Ups and Downs and Silver Linings
Thursday night I spent at gabby and Guillermo's. A 2 hour bus ride with Magnolia got us to Gabby's house at 1:45 ish. Shortly after gabby and I went to her practice. A three hour practice where the building had a cafeteria and I was able to speak to my dad, my best friend Mikel, and I was able to connect via Facebook with a special someone and friends from work. It was nice to be connected to the world for a longer period of time than I have been allotted since my arrival.
When she finished we tried to go to Andres with her dad, it is a 5 floor steak house with dancing. I said tried because you have to be 18 and Gabby is 17, we didn't make it through the door. We went instead to a cafeteria like version of Andres and I got steak that was very good. We went back to Gabby's and just hung out and watched big brother on her computer.
Friday we went shopping and I got a few things for some special people in my life. The only thing left to buy is coffee! We got some crepes and waffles for lunch! Delish!
I was going to take a taxi back to Magnolias but the driver refused to take me. So I waited for Gabby's swim practice again, this time with no Facebook. Thankfully I have that good book. I did get emotional after the practice. I felt bad like I am always putting people out while in Colombia, the day before with the long bus ride and that evening with Guillermo driving me all the way to back to Magnolias. There was a lot of emphasis on money in a conversation the day before, and some questions about the gifts I presented the day before. It made both me and Gabby very uncomfortable. Thinking a lot about those things, and feeling like I was a burden made me pretty sad in the car.
Once at Magnolias she said I stayed out late without her permission as a joke, but it didn't set well with me. She isn't my mom, and it seems she seeks certain emotional approvals while I am there and doesn't consider my feelings as much. I can't get into too many details out of respect of privacy, but I felt like some boundaries as far as physical and emotional expectations that were placed on me crossed my comfort zone. I don't want this to sound inconsiderate of my birth mother, I understand the emotional needs and wants of my birth mother since she had to give me up, I get that she needs some emotional validation. My issue is that I didn't feel like there was consideration of how this pressure might make me feel.
This morning I bought 2 bottles of water, finally feeling hydrated. And Julieth came and rubbed my back. She is such a great sister. I found out today that she loves painting ceramics, something else we have in common.
Growing up I fantasized most about meeting my birth mother, turns out I have gained the most unconditional love and pure joy from my relationship with my sister.
When she finished we tried to go to Andres with her dad, it is a 5 floor steak house with dancing. I said tried because you have to be 18 and Gabby is 17, we didn't make it through the door. We went instead to a cafeteria like version of Andres and I got steak that was very good. We went back to Gabby's and just hung out and watched big brother on her computer.
Friday we went shopping and I got a few things for some special people in my life. The only thing left to buy is coffee! We got some crepes and waffles for lunch! Delish!
I was going to take a taxi back to Magnolias but the driver refused to take me. So I waited for Gabby's swim practice again, this time with no Facebook. Thankfully I have that good book. I did get emotional after the practice. I felt bad like I am always putting people out while in Colombia, the day before with the long bus ride and that evening with Guillermo driving me all the way to back to Magnolias. There was a lot of emphasis on money in a conversation the day before, and some questions about the gifts I presented the day before. It made both me and Gabby very uncomfortable. Thinking a lot about those things, and feeling like I was a burden made me pretty sad in the car.
Once at Magnolias she said I stayed out late without her permission as a joke, but it didn't set well with me. She isn't my mom, and it seems she seeks certain emotional approvals while I am there and doesn't consider my feelings as much. I can't get into too many details out of respect of privacy, but I felt like some boundaries as far as physical and emotional expectations that were placed on me crossed my comfort zone. I don't want this to sound inconsiderate of my birth mother, I understand the emotional needs and wants of my birth mother since she had to give me up, I get that she needs some emotional validation. My issue is that I didn't feel like there was consideration of how this pressure might make me feel.
This morning I bought 2 bottles of water, finally feeling hydrated. And Julieth came and rubbed my back. She is such a great sister. I found out today that she loves painting ceramics, something else we have in common.
Growing up I fantasized most about meeting my birth mother, turns out I have gained the most unconditional love and pure joy from my relationship with my sister.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Learning and Bonding
Tatiana wanted to practice more numbers so I grabbed paper and a pen that were donated by my awesome coworkers. We wrote numbers 1-30 and write them in English and then did the whole alphabet and did a is for apple and a picture of an apple ect. This was a great start to the day. I am so happy to be able to help my niece and nephew get a head start with English. Tatiana and I bonded immediately and her eagerness to learn has been such a joy. This trip definitely has a purpose.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Pictures are Worth a Thousand Words
Magnolia worked from home a lot throughout my visit, this is her work area and large sewing machine.
These photos were taken when Magnolia went out to work in the evening for a little while before we all had dinner.
The stuffed dogs, one for me, one for Magnolia, and one for Julieth.
When Magnolia came back we celebrated my visit with a card, and cake. Also we all changed into our Boston Strong tee shirts I got everyone.
Getting Settled
Tuesday was great. I realized that I react to the difference in altitude by just feeling really tired. I woke up late and was still exhausted for the majority of the day. Ham and cheese sandwich for breakfast...it was ok.
Around one o'clock (which was supposed to be twelve) Magnolia and I met up with Gabby. Colombians don't seem to regard time in the same way as we do in America. Magnolia was cooking at 11:20 when we were supposed to leave at 11:30.
Gabby and I went to the mall near the building where she has her swim practice. First on the priority list was a cup of coffee! The mall was pretty expensive so we didn't shop much. It was really nice to just hang with Gabby. She brought me a cell phone and I bought me an international SIM card. That night I was able to speak to my parents and another important person in my life. I felt so much better being connected to the world and safer knowing I can call Gabby and Guillermo if I'm lost. At 4pm I headed back to magnolias for the remainder of the day. Tatiana and Marlon were full of energy and life but I needed a siesta. So I slept for a few hours before Julieth returned from work. When Julieth arrived we went out three separate times to go to different stores for different items. Each time Marlon and Tati came along and Tati eagerly wanted to learn English so we counted to 100 each time there and back. We all had dinner and went to bed. I slept with Julieth, Miguel, and Marlon...crowded!
Around one o'clock (which was supposed to be twelve) Magnolia and I met up with Gabby. Colombians don't seem to regard time in the same way as we do in America. Magnolia was cooking at 11:20 when we were supposed to leave at 11:30.
Gabby and I went to the mall near the building where she has her swim practice. First on the priority list was a cup of coffee! The mall was pretty expensive so we didn't shop much. It was really nice to just hang with Gabby. She brought me a cell phone and I bought me an international SIM card. That night I was able to speak to my parents and another important person in my life. I felt so much better being connected to the world and safer knowing I can call Gabby and Guillermo if I'm lost. At 4pm I headed back to magnolias for the remainder of the day. Tatiana and Marlon were full of energy and life but I needed a siesta. So I slept for a few hours before Julieth returned from work. When Julieth arrived we went out three separate times to go to different stores for different items. Each time Marlon and Tati came along and Tati eagerly wanted to learn English so we counted to 100 each time there and back. We all had dinner and went to bed. I slept with Julieth, Miguel, and Marlon...crowded!
Day One
Yesterday ended up being an extremely long day. Luckily for me, Gabby, Magnolia, Julieth, and my niece Tatiana came to pick me up at the airport. I am so happy I finally got to meet my niece in person! She is so beautiful and full of life. She knows a little English and is super eager to learn. I feel closer to my brother than ever. We all went to Magnolia's apartment and exchanged gifts. They gave me a huge stuffed animal that I know will be a challenge to pack. I got Magnolia, my niece, and nephew fun electric toothbrushes as part of all their gifts and they loved them. Magnolia asked me if I got Julieth and her husband toothbrushes and when I said no she said why not. It made me feel really bad. I put a lot of thought into everyone's gifts and spent a significant amount on everyone. I didn't say anything.
Magnolia asked how much the tickets are to travel to Colombia and if I paid for myself. She said that I must make a lot of money. Gabby translated this all for me and it made us both uncomfortable. I understand that Magnolia has come from a level of poverty that I will never understand, so I try to take that in consideration when she is fixated on money.
Magnolia told me she is buying an apartment in Soacha and informed me that it is also mine, so that I will always have a part of this country. This was a huge gesture and it means a lot to me. For those of you who have read my blog, Soacha might ring a bell. I taught English there last year when I volunteered.
Later we went to dinner at Monica's (the head of the volunteer program) sisters apartment. We were very late because we got lost looking for over an hour walking for street 13 when really the street address was 13A. We didn't know everyone was waiting for us....awkward. One of the volunteers as Monica was introducing me said "oh so now we get to eat"....rude.....needless to say I am happy that I was with the people that I had during my volunteer time. I do not think they would have said that. We got back to the apartment and went to sleep. At that point it was past midnight and I had been up at 3:30 in the morning. I was exhausted.
Today (Tuesday) I woke up and Tatiana and I watched a little tv and had ham and cheese sandwich for breakfast. I am meeting gabby for shopping at noon.
I feel that despite my lack of practicing Spanish, I have understood a lot more and have been communicating better. Maybe it's all the Skype conversations or just that I am more comfortable with this situation. Either way I am feeling very good about this experience this far.
Magnolia asked how much the tickets are to travel to Colombia and if I paid for myself. She said that I must make a lot of money. Gabby translated this all for me and it made us both uncomfortable. I understand that Magnolia has come from a level of poverty that I will never understand, so I try to take that in consideration when she is fixated on money.
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| Boots Magnolia gave me |
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| My gift to Marlon in hopes it will help him learn English. |
Today (Tuesday) I woke up and Tatiana and I watched a little tv and had ham and cheese sandwich for breakfast. I am meeting gabby for shopping at noon.
I feel that despite my lack of practicing Spanish, I have understood a lot more and have been communicating better. Maybe it's all the Skype conversations or just that I am more comfortable with this situation. Either way I am feeling very good about this experience this far.
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