Painting and Anxiety

Another day painting at Hogar.  We are almost done with the shed, and it does add some life and vibrancy to the area.  There seems to be a complex here with the children, they all think the kids are too dark.  The kids that are commenting on the skin tone, do not seem to acknowledge their own skin tone being tan or dark.  I guess lighter skin is preferred here as in many other cultures.  I am someone who likes my coffee skin tone, and I actually bake in the sun every time the sun comes out back home (I know its not good) .  I feel more alive when my skin is darker, clothes look better, I need less make up, and I have a glow.    

If you notice the same clothes from the last few days, it is because the paint will permanently stain clothes and these are the only clothes that I don't care if it stains.  The kids come out for recess at 1ish, and from that point forward the productivity level goes drastically down.  The kids wanted to help paint, but couldn't and then were touching the wet paint.  Finally as pictured above I let them listen to my music for a while, until they started fighting over it.  Then we just played for a little while.  It still touches my heart the amount of kids that I have never met that just want me to hug them for a while.  Playing with the kids was great, I got tackled by 3 or more boys at one point. 

Tonight I went with Alyson another volunteer to meet a friend of my coworker Garrette's.  He was having a going away party close to our apartment, and was nice enough to extend an invitation.  It was at a mexican restaurant, pretty chic.  Alyson and I walked there, but I didn't feel very safe.  We live in a safe neighborhood, but my anxiety is high right now.  Once there we had a great time.

Tomorrow I am spending the night with Magnolia, Juliet, and her husband.  I am feeling anxious about it, mostly because they still have not told her husband who I am.  I need to know what my "story" is supposed to be, and I do not want to slip up and spill the beans.  Guillermo spoke to my bm about all of this and she said she is worried about telling him.  She also seemed very emotional about the possibility of loosing me again, worried that this will be the last time she ever gets to see me.  I want to just enjoy the time I am here with them.  I don't know when I will be back in Colombia, but it is definitely somewhere I would like to come back to with my parents.  I just want to take all of this one step at a time.  I probably wont post anything tomorrow, but I will write about the weekend on Sunday.  

I am starting tomorrow with my closest friend here Erika, we are going to the market.  Then Guillermo and I are going to head to the gold museum, and after I will go to Magnolia's.  Should be an eventful weekend.