Lucky

Today I volunteered at a homeless shelter.  We arrived at 8:45, and started helping by cutting vegetables.  We chatted with the people who work there, I presume every day.  They were really nice people, and were interested in getting to know where we were all from.  During prep time I got to chat with the other volunteers as well.  At about 10:00 they let the homeless people in from outside.  Erika and I were pealing carrots, and could hear them praying before the meal.  The prayer lasted for quite a while and at about 10:30, we were called off carrot duty to help distribute the food.  The meal today was rice, a chicken stew, and bread.  Many of the people who came to eat were eager to say hello, and find out where I was from.  Everyone was happy to hear that I was from Colombia.  They were very grateful for the food, and our help.  The experience today was instantly gratifying, people need to eat and were grateful that we were helping them eat.  Someone told me I have a face from Colombia, which was nice to hear.  I thought while I was there for a moment, any of these people could be related to me, or I could have been in a situation where I was often hungry had my birth mother not made the choice she made 25 years ago.  I think because I am adopted I have a more realistic sense of how lucky I am to have the family I have, and the opportunities I have.  Maybe its the experience of volunteering with kids and adults that could have easily been me, or maybe its all just a little overwhelming but I got pretty homesick today.  I have travelled and gone to camp away for 7 weeks at a time and usually don't get homesick.  I was not homesick for home as in the city, or my house, but home as in my parents.  There is something about this experience, hearing other adoption stories not all good, seeing kids that will soon be adopted, and kids that might never be, working with people that smile and are friendly despite having no where to call home, facing the unknown about how my birth mother will respond to my attempt to connect to her.  I am overwhelmed.  I am very happy to be here, but today I just wanted my parents.  I don't know why I am one of the lucky ones, why did I get the best family?  I'm scared that this quest gives the impression that I am not satisfied with my circumstance, and it is impossible for me to express the gratitude I have for the life I have, and they family I was blessed with.  I am searching for the people that I share relation with, I am curious about what they are like, what life might have been like.  As I get closer to answering these questions and others, I grow in my heart even closer to my parents, I just know deep down that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life.  Luckier than the biggest lottery winner.

Being here in Colombia, does make me feel closer to addressing some of my curiosity about my people and culture.  Certain things make me smile because of the similarities that I share, like the love for dogs in some neighborhoods and they dress them up in cute clothes, a lot of women who have fancy nails, and people that share a dislike for ice in soda.  As I stay and continue to live here, I will continue to learn about myself and the Colombian culture.  Hopefully I will be able to make an impact on someone else's life too.