Trying To Balance

It is hard going from a draining weekend straight to volunteering.  I realized later in the day how utterly exhausted I am, and emotional about everything that has happened in the last few weeks.  I would not change a thing, but I haven't slept well and haven't really processed anything yet.  I had a spanish lesson for 90 minutes this evening and he was like why didn't you study?  I thought to myself, when could I have possibly studied.  I just felt disappointed about sucking at spanish and exhausted about everything else.  I spoke to my parents, who always make me feel better.  The reminded me to try and do things for myself while I am here too.  Monica the hefe (boss) here told me to write down all the things I want to do while I am here, and she will help me figure out how and when to do them.  It dawned on me that with all my anticipation about this trip and with everything happening so quickly, I didn't research the sights to see, or fun things to try.  I need to do that now, and try and explore more.

Today I helped tutor a boy who is being adopted to Texas in a few weeks.  Lupe and Erika have been working with him for almost 2 months now, and it was great to see all the things he knows.  Part of this program is passing the torch onto other volunteers when they come in and you are leaving.  I am honored to witness all the work they have done with these kids, and to help continue teaching these kids when they go.  Volunteers are like a revolving door here, new ones always coming in and older ones leaving.  It must be difficult for the kids, but I know it will also be difficult for me to say goodbye.

One of the girls that is tutored at Hogar, broke the rules and left the orphanage on thursday with some other girls.  She might not be allowed to be tutored anymore, and earlier today we were told she might not get adopted because of that decision.  She is 11 and has been communicating with the family for months and has met them in the states.  She is the sweetest girl I have met so far here, and it broke my heart to think that one stupid adolescent choice could change her life forever.  We all left Hogar today, upset, defeated, and scared for her.  Later we found out that they are not messing up the adoption, and that they want to scare her.  I am so relieved, as I am sure the other volunteers are too.  We plan on talking with her wednesday about peer pressure and making decisions in the future that are more responsible.

The whole incident got me thinking about how decisions really can change the course of your life.  Luckily for her in this case it doesn't effect her future in the dramatic way it otherwise would have.  The other girls might have ruined their chances of getting adopted, they might be transferred to a different orphanage as an example.  I understand the orphanage's need to be strict, and their position that there are so many kids and not enough getting adopted so those who don't behave don't deserve to be adopted.  On the other hand I feel that there are no bad kids, every kid has had a life before they ended up at the orphanage and is going to react differently to being there.  I wish they had people that could work one on one with these children and get to the bottom of why they are angry, or struggling.  They need love, support, and therapy.  Its a sad situation for these kids and many of them will not get the opportunity to be adopted.  To the families out there that are adopting or have adopted older children, I commend you.  I think it says a lot to take in a child or children that are older, and even more when they do not speak english.  These kids are really great and deserving!

When I got back to the apartment I decided it was time to leave my handprint on the apartment...literally.  There are handprints in paint all over the apartment with people names and year that they volunteered.  Everyone is decorated differently.  I decided to make mine with all the flags that are a part of me, Colombian, Israeli, and American.  I messed up a little but it came out ok.

Trying to leave my stamp on Colombia, in more ways than one.