Life Isn't Always Gumdrops and Arequipe

Yesterday Erika went in search for the store we bought some futbol (soccer) jerseys last week.  It is hidden in a mall, downstairs in a booth.  I have been on a mission to get my dogs some, after seeing a few dogs sporting them here.  I was told that they are children's jerseys, so we ventured to purchase some.  After we walked the streets and looked at scarfs, and other things people were selling.  We saw another dog sporting a jersey and I asked the owner, he said it was made for dogs and there was sometimes a woman selling them on the streets but it is hard to find.  He told us the location, and we decided to walk.  We didn't find the jerseys :( but we stumbled upon a great street filled with craft stores, and stores that have traditional Colombian items.  We did have much cash on us, but we spent what we had and decided to come back next weekend.  On the way back to the apartment we stumbled upon dog store row, literally a whole street with dog store next to dogs store.  Puppies everywhere, and yet still no jerseys (apparently I am searching for the holy grail!).  I had to keep reminding myself that I have 2 babies at home, because these dogs melted my heart!!

We had lunch at Masa, which is a great restaurant near the apartment that also has wifi.  It was there that I received my translated letters from Guillermo.  Ordering a customized salad there was an interesting experience, and good practice for new vocabulary words.

Guillermo picked me up at 3:15, our plan was to park near the Trans and take that to the Gold Museum.  The street that the gold museum is on is shut down to cars, there are a lot of stores and street artists.

Cool Photo I snapped from the Museum

This room went pitch black and then water sounds
 with a light show, I snapped this picture during it.

This was in the dark room too, layer and layers of gold.

Faces

So alpaca isn't a Colombian thing as Guillermo informed me, but I had to snap a pic!

New Justice Building (I think)

After we got some doughnuts from Dunkin, and some hot chocolate mmmmmm.  Then it was off to Magnolias.














I had been feeling quite anxious in the week leading up to this sleepover.  As my best friend warned a few nights before the sleep over, it is a lot very fast to take on.  Well, as usual she was right.  I thought it would be a "getting to know you" weekend, but it just didn't work out that way.

My bm really wanted to take me to Usme, the neighborhood Guillermo and I went searching for Magnolia the night before we located her.  It is not a safe area, in fact my brother was killed there.  I understand my bm wanting to show me where I would have lived, and where she is from.  Even though I appreciate her feelings, I expressed to Guillermo that I am not ready to go there with out him.  My lack of the language really makes me uncomfortable as it is.  When Guillermo dropped me off at Magnolias, they were talking about it, and Magnolia got very defensive and angry towards Guillermo about the whole situation.  As the conversation was getting more heated, a can backed into Guillermo's car.  UGH!

Even though it did break up the argument, I felt horrible and somewhat responsible.  Guillermo drives me there and has done so much for me.  I really wish this didn't happen to him.  The people that crashed into his car were pretty nice.  Guillermo called the police and the insurance company.  About an hour later the insurance lawyer arrived.  The temperature outside was dropping and we still hadn't eaten anything it was about 10pm, so Magnolia, Juliet and I went upstairs to eat.  While we were inside Magnolia asked me how much money my parents make, if I have a car, and if they have a car.  The questions felt intrusive and made me really uncomfortable.  We headed back outside to check on Guillermo, still no police.  Guillermo could tell I was bothered, but we couldn't really talk about it.  The driver and Guillermo worked out an agreement, and 10 minutes after the driver left the police arrived.  It was about 3 hours after the first call to the police.  Guillermo finally headed home for the night, and the rest of us retired to our chambers.

I was bothered by the intrusive questions, because they do not have anything to do with who I am.  Magnolia is constantly pressuring me to go to the neighborhood that I do not want to go, and instead of accepting that and just being happy I am there she is upset about it.  Then she questions me about money and things.  She never asked me how my week was, or what kind of volunteer work I am doing here, or my favorite music etc.  Throughout the time with her this weekend she has eluded to taking a trip to the US to visit me, and me visiting again soon.  I know she can not afford to visit the states, so it made me uncomfortable again.  I really wish she would try to know me as a person on a human level.  She keeps pilling on these expectations, presumptions, or hopes that we will provide some experience.  If she was more curious about me, like how I was raised, what I studied, what I do for work, or anything about me, maybe the money questions would have bothered me less.  My sister does not care about those things, she just enjoys my company and wants to be around me as a person.  I am not in any way saying that my bm doesn't care about me, or want a relationship with me.  She made me beautiful boots, and fixed my old boots for me.  She is very giving to me, and opens her house to me so obviously she cares about me.  That being said, she seems to be focused on money, and what I have.  She also piles on expectations, and is always questioning when am I visiting again etc. 

I was also introduced quite a few times this weekend as a friend from America, who doesn't speak much spanish.  How are we going to build any type of deeper relationship, if I am always a friend from America.

When I was saying goodbye this afternoon she asked through Guillermo if I travel to different countries every year.  The questions do not come from a place of curiosity about my life, but a place of assessment of what I have.  She wrote me a 6 page letter in response to my letter that I posted on my blog previously.  I know already that a lot of it is about the difficulty of her life, and all of her struggles. I know that she has had hard times, and I feel for her in that respect.  I also know that my adoption was a choice she made because she needed to, and I am proud of her choice.  I think that she has had a lot of guilt over her life about the adoption, and now I'm back in her life all of the sudden and its overwhelming the thought of loosing me again.

On the way back to the apartment with Guillermo I expressed my discomfort with the questions.  He said that it is ok to feel disappointed also, I didn't recognize my emotion about it until he said it.  I am disappointed in Magnolia.  She was not trying to get to know my character, my likes, and dislikes.

I decided even before this weekend sleepover that I would be taking next weekend "off" of birth family duty.  It is exhausting never quite knowing what is going on, and constantly being quiet due to lack of words in the language.  Now I know, in addition to all of that, I also need time to process everything, and time for myself.

I hope that Magnolia tries to know me on a more human level, its not about what you have in life, its about who you are and how you treat others.